Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
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