He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
