I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
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