I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
