We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Randomize
