Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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