he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I believe in your delicious
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
