when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
