they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I need to sanitize my soul.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Randomize
