I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Randomize
