I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I'm like, not good at living.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Randomize
