I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
