I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
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