How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
