I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Randomize
