I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Randomize
