This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Randomize
