I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Randomize
