I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
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