It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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