Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
