Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
