is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
I'm passing your future prison.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Randomize
