you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
