So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
