I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
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