I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
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