Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
