dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
