Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
