Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
