I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
