Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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