He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
My vagina just recognized that song.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
