Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
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