haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize
