we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Randomize
