i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
He better not be in your backpack
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
