Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
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