can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. š
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
I need advice on ways to politely say āfuck you on your way to hellā.
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