Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize