wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
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