Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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