I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
