Define "chronic" masturbator.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
