I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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