its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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