my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Woke up backwards on a recliner
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
