I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I stole a fireplace last night.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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