I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
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