so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Randomize
