Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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