My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
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