On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
You left your phone here
Wait...
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
