I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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