We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
