I puked a lego.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
