when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Randomize
