the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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