I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Randomize
