What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Randomize
