I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Dicks are not precious.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize