No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Randomize
