The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
