I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
