at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Randomize
