There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
